Three Types of Friendship

Friendship (noun)

friend·​ship | \ ˈfren(d)-ˌship  \

Definition of friendship

1: the state of being friends they have a long-standing friendship

2: the quality or state of being friendly : FRIENDLINESS the friendship shown to him by his coworkers

3: obsolete : AID

If you were to google the definition of friendship, or look it up in an actual dictionary, this would be what you would find. And I’m sure if you actually began to think about your experience with friendship, this definition doesn’t quite match what you had in mind.

With the year two thousand and twenty less than three weeks away, I’ve thought a lot about the different paths I’ve taken over the past ten years.

Mostly, I’ve thought about my friends.

I went from middle-school to high-school to university during this decade- these are three very different life stages and environments, each with their own pro’s and con’s. My friendships have grown with me and I’m going to share what I know to be true about friendships today.

There are three types of friendships

**Disclaimer **

the photos DO NOT represent what types of friendships I have- they are photos of my Friends (current and past- no order. no category)

1.     Friends for a REASON

These types of friendships are the easiest to make and the easiest to leave behind. These friends are often the ones you make because you have to. They are the people you sit next to in class, the ones you have your locker beside or are partnered in a project with. They are the friends that you make, but have no intention of getting close to.  They are the friends that you go to practice with and that you suffer through long shifts with. These friends can become more than friends for a reason, but for the most part they don’t. And that is okay. Because these friendships can still hold valuable memories. Friends for a reason, are the friendships that are quick and fleeting, but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that it is still a type of friendship. Friends for a reason are the mutual friends. They are the people you are friendly with, that you can say hello to in passing, that you still have inside jokes with or memories to reminisce on. But after that class is over, or that shift is done, after you move away or turn in that assignment, the friendship fades. Maybe not completely, but it does fade.

2.     Friends for a SEASON

These friendships are the hardest, because a lot of the time you don’t realize that they are only friends for a season. This does not actually mean that you make a friend in winter and as soon as the snow starts to melt you say “see ya! It’s been swell.” (that is what ten year old me thought at first).  These are the friendships that are the hardest. These are the friends you grew with, and apart from, that you always thought would be there forever, that you lost and that you hold most of your memories with. These friendships are beautiful. They are given time to develop and strengthen. These are your best friends in school that you shared years of sleep overs and laughter with. They are the friends that you shared the big moments with, like birthdays and graduations. These are the friends that you know so well and that know you just the same. Which is why, when they end, it can break your heart. Because even though these friends are your best friends, it isn’t until after the big fight, or after you move away or after you grow up and realize maybe you grew apart, that you see that they were really only friends for a season. This can be hard to accept.

These are the friendships that hurt the most, but they hurt because of how much you cared for them, how close you were with them and how many ups and downs you went through with them. These are the ones that when you look back on, your heart still aches, just a little bit, because it was a beautiful friendship.

 I’ve had friends for a season before that I grew apart from, or that showed their true colours and had to move on from. It is hard to break up with a friend. But the best part about seasons are that they come and go. There is no rule that says that that season won’t come again. Years from now, you may find that the person they were has changed and grown, that the hurt they caused has been forgiven, that the friendship that was so great for so long can start again.

Seasons change, and so do friendships.

The biggest take away from this type of friendship is to not hold onto the bad, but to be grateful that you got to have so many amazing experiences and lessons learned from someone. It is through these friendships that you grow and become who you are.

“You don’t always get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you.

I like my choices.”

–John Green

Which brings me to…

3.     Friends for LIFE

This is the big one. These friends are the ones that have been there every step of the way. These are the friends that have never judged you or talked about you behind your back. These are the friendships that have stood the test of time. They are the friends that haven’t walked away when things got difficult or rough. There have been fights and tears and hiccups, but they always, ALWAYS stay. Friendships like these are far and few. These friendships require time to develop, but once they do, they are eternal. When you find a friendship like this, you know that you have someone that will always be there, for the big moments. These are the friends that will be at your wedding, that will cry on the phone with you for hours after break ups, that will celebrate your children, or travel around the world with you. These are the friends that will support you if you want to drop out of school or change careers or throw you a party to celebrate everything you’ve accomplished. These are the friends that when you call, they will be there, not matter the reason. They are your people.

These types of friendships are in no way concrete, nor am I a friendship guru with wise words to be taken seriously. This is simply how I have always experienced friendships.

With that being said, there are outliers and grey areas. There are the 1% that don’t fit into a category, or that maybe have been in more than one.

No matter what type of friendship, this is what is true:

A friendship, no matter the time frame, is kind. It is a person that you can laugh with and be yourself around. They are the ones that like you for who you are and accept you despite your faults. They are forgiving and caring. They bring out the best in you and they are loyal to you.

A friendship GOES BOTH WAYS. It is not one sided, there is no one effort.

It is give and take

forgiveness and acceptance

living and learning.

It is messy and crazy, frustrating and joyful. Nothing about friendships are linear, like any relationship they require commitment, work and a lot of love. So, no matter the reason or season, we all have this incredible life, filled with incredible people that we get to share it all with- the good and the bad, the milestones and the let downs. 

Through it all, we have each other.