Sunday, July 21, 2019

As I sat on the small bench inside the airplane, all I could do was focus on my breathing. Inhale. Exhale. The tiny aircraft squeezed 16 people, strapped together in pairs as it climbed into the beautiful clear sky. Looking out the window, I could see fluffy white clouds and tiny squares of green and brown making up the fields below. The back door flew open, sending the drumming sound of the propellers and the whooshing wind echoing through the cabin.
This was it. No going back now.
The people that a second ago sat in front of me, were now gone in the blink of an eye, disappearing into the clouds below. Now, Ari and I leaned over the edge of the one thing separating us from safety, feeling the freezing air against my cheek and seeing nothing but blue horizon ahead.
Ready? 3…2…1…

It was in early June when the idea of skydiving popped into my head. Being someone that is terrified of planes, and falling from heights, it was something I NEVER had ANY interest in doing. But, I have been on this seeking discomfort kick for a few months now, and this fear was something I needed to face head on.

I walked into my friend Tremaine’s office and asked him if he wanted to come skydiving with me. I was prepared for a flat out no, followed by laughter. But to my surprise, he said yes. He said yes with such distinction, that we knew it was going to happen. Then, I thought about my friend Mia, who would be visiting in July, I knew this would be something that she would love, and almost immediately after I texted her, she was on board too. We picked a date and made a deposit and waited for the day to arrive.

The week we booked the jump, I didn’t sleep very much. I regretted it almost immediately.

I lay awake at night asking myself, “Why did you think this was a good idea? You could die. You probably will die. You hate planes. Why? WHY?”

Which was essentially the same response that I got from everyone that I told. That, and “you’re crazy”.

As the weeks passed, I felt less anxious. The more I talked about it with people that had been to GoSkydive, the better I felt. One friend said something in particular to me that really changed my perspective. She said as soon as she hit the ground, she loved it so much, she wanted to do it all over again.

I had been so worried about the plane and the jump and the feeling of leaning over the edge of the door and seeing the abyss that I hadn’t even thought about the after effect. It completely changed my point of view. I realized then, that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I was done wasting my time feeling scared for something so out of my control. Instead, I told myself to enjoy the discomfort and be present- because it would be something you would want to remember forever.

We were originally scheduled to jump on Saturday, July 20, 2019 at 5:00pm, but the weather for that day turned out to be absolutely terrible. Not only was it the hottest recorded day in Ottawa history (40+ degrees and humid), there were severe thunderstorms and tornado warnings… not your ideal skydiving weather.

So, we rescheduled the jump to Sunday, July 21, 2019 at 9am. Mia and I woke up the next morning with nerves and excitement. We had our breakfast on the front steps of my porch. It was peaceful. Not a single soul was awake, the sky was clear and blue, and we took in the calm before the excitement. We drove to GoSkydive in Gatineau and danced out our nerves in the car.

Pulling up to the airport made everything feel very real. We saw the small planes sitting on the tarmac awaiting the dauntless jumpers. While above, colourful parachutes danced in the sky like feathers falling to the ground.

Within no time, we were being fitted with our harnesses and being greeted by our instructors/life lines. We were booked to jump at 13,500ft. That is a 60 second free fall at 200km/h. If you thought a minute was short- I assure you it isn’t. My partner for the jump was named Ari. He was insanely friendly and kind, and he made a lot of jokes which helped lighten the tension. He has been jumping for eight years, and after getting to know him, I felt completely safe.

The air was thick and humid, so we didn’t wear the typical jumpsuit that most people do when they jump. Instead, we wore our normal clothes, the harness and goggles. Ari and I, along with the other 14 jumpers made our way onto the truck/ trailer that would take us to the plane. All of the instructors were full of adrenaline and energy, it made everyone forget about the fear and embrace the excitement.

When we reached the plane, Ari did some final checks and instructions about the jump- head back, right knee down, hold on first, two taps let go, enjoy the ride.

The instructors, pilot, jumpers, Mia, Tremaine and I piled into the tiny airplane and sat in two rows on a metal bench with our legs on either side. Mia road co-pilot until it we were close to the desired altitude. All the instructors were video-taping the ascent, capturing fearful smiles and enthusiastic conversations.

When the ground looked so small and the plane felt so high, I turned to Ari to ask him how high we were. He said, “4000 ft”.

Holy shit. 4000? Only 4000 ft? Jesus Christ.

As the plane climbed higher above the clouds, Ari and the other instructors began to prepare everything for the jump- goggles on, straps tight, final words of advice. I was very focused on my breathing. We were almost at 13,000 ft. I had thought about this feeling for weeks, but it was unfamiliar to me. I expected myself to be freaking out, or crying or just in shock, but I was surprisingly calm. I don’t know if it was the energy that the instructors omitted, or that it still didn’t feel real, but my nerves were nearly non-existent.

Inhale. Exhale. Looking out the window, I could see fluffy white clouds and tiny squares of green and brown of the fields below. The back door flew open, sending the drumming sound of the propellers and whooshing wind echoing through the cabin.

This was it. No going back now.

The people that a second ago sat in front of me, were now gone in the blink of an eye, disappearing into the clouds below. Now, Ari and I made our way to the door.

“Head back, knee down, hold on, enjoy the ride.” I checked the list off in my head

We leaned over the edge of the one thing separating us from safety, feeling the freezing air against my cheek and seeing nothing but blue horizon ahead.

Ready? 3…2…1

Falling. Screaming. Faster and harder than I have ever been before. The cold hair stinging every part of my body. The clouds that I have looked at from dirt roads, car windows, grassy fields and calm lakes now floated beside me as I fell. Faster and faster, Ari and I spun and fell. Everything went so quickly it was nearly impossible to focus my vision.

Two taps- time to open the parachute. With a tug, the parachute caught the air and the world slowly came back into focus.

Complete, adrenaline. Total insanity. Pure Euphoria.

The feeling of floating after a free fall is indescribable. You feel invincible.

Looking below, I could see the other parachutes falling playfully in the sky- Mia above me and Tremaine below.

It was epic.

When we finally reached the ground, I was consumed with joy and enthusiasm. I hugged Mia and we both laughed and tried to wrap our heads around what we had just done. The craziness of it all. We looked at each other and said exactly what my friend had said after she jumped- that we wanted to do it all over again.

We said it as a wishful thought, but an instructor told us that we would get a discount because it was our first jump. The discount was incredible and we couldn’t pass it up. Mia and I looked at each other and we both agreed.

Again? HELL YES!

So, we marched into the reception and booked ourselves for the next jump which was in 30 minutes. We were stoked! And so were our instructors- they loved us. This time around, we weren’t getting photos and videos- we wanted our focus to be on the experience and remembering it.

Our instructors suited us up, and this time we had altitude gages on our hands and we were given the responsibility of pulling the parachute! Mia and I were in cloud 9- no pun intended.

Once again, we rode the trailer to the tarmac and climbed aboard the tiny plane. This time I sat co-pilot, which was incredible. Going into this, my worst fear was small planes and now I was sitting next to the pilot, head phones on, getting ready for take-off. All the buttons and lights were so confusing and tempting, and the view was breathtaking.

This time, the clouds were huge, white and fluffy- like mounds of snow or cotton candy. Our plane zipped through the blue pockets and taunted us to come out and play. I watched the arrow on my altitude gage spin clockwise and rise closer and closer to 13,500ft. Once we were close to our desired altitude I climbed in front of my instructor who strapped me in and did some last checks.

This time, I was last on the plane. Before we jumped my instructor yelled in my ear to look to the right and watch the plane nose dive as we fell. We made our way to the front of the plane and I watched as every pair took the leap of faith out of the plane door to be sucked down to the clouds below.

We stood once again on the edge of the plane, pumping with adrenaline. This time, I was going to take every second in.

3…2…1…

Falling and watching the plane nose dive into the clouds around me, we spun toward the ground below. The deafening air whizzing by as I screamed and tried to capture the feeling of free falling.

I watched my gage until I saw the 5000ft mark and I knew to pull my chute. I reached back and yanked hard to release the parachute. With the same hard tug, the world began to slow, the air began to warm and pure bliss took over.

I know now why they call them junkies- there is no better addiction than adrenaline.

Mia and I flew closer together in the clouds, spinning and waiving as we swooped past each other, until we began to slow to the grass below.

The thrill and the rush is contagious and consuming. It is like nothing I have ever felt before.

I went into skydiving fearful and left feeling fearless. Pushing myself so far out of my comfort zone became one of the most euphoric and best experiences of my life. From being on the plane, to watching the people fall into the unknown, to jumping and free falling into my fears head on. It was exhilarating.

I’m grateful to the staff that kept us safe and feeling comfortable. Their attitude and contagious energy made the day memorable and full of joy. There wasn’t a single time that I doubted my well-being or their capability. After all, to do that for a living, takes bravery and courage and I have a lot of respect for what they do.

The next time that you’re afraid or you feel like you are waiting for an opportunity to arise, take control and get past that fear or cross that line off your bucket list- I guarantee the fear is just a barrier holding back the moments and experiences that you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Sometimes the best experiences happen when you stop allowing your fear to hold you back. My supportive friends that jumped with me have proven that. After all, those who don’t jump, will never fly.

For years I have wondered what it would feel like to fly, and now I do.

There is no feeling like it.

Purely Euphoric.

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